Whinny when on Wine

Something written last night after having that Italian wine from the Taj with Brokes and Crap. Very enjoyable, learning the nuances of drinking wine while seriously gulping down the stuff...

There is only one way to drink wine... steal a complimentary bottle from the Taj, get all mawkish and sentimental about the fact that you're leaving college (a day after a huge post about it), open the bottle with a scissors and push the cork in. Now you invite a friend over, play music from Casablanca, any other Sinatran dirge-like ditty, a little bit of Hazelwood, Richards and Armstrong and there you have it.

Next you go about savouring the wine by checking all the websites you know about wine tasting. If you don't know any website, that's ok too. Message Sparams and he'll give you some well worn tips.

Look: Look at the gradient at the tip of the meniscus and the colour of the wine. Lighter the red, older the wine, greater the gradient maturer (whatever, can't think of another term) the vintage.

Swirl: for whatever reason, but, if you're asked, it's to let the wine expose its bouquet and to evolve into and X-men character.

Smell: wince and screw you nose. Then say "That smelt fruity. The top node is apple, I think." Don't commit. Extremely important. Fruity is always safe though.

Taste: Finally. This is an extremely complex step and the least important. After all, you're not drinking to get drunk are you, you philistine?
1. Sweetness: Tasted on the tip of the tongue. Say anything.
2. Acidity: Tasted on the sides of the tongue. Say highly acidic if you answered not sweet to 1. or not acidic if you answered sweet to 1.
3. Tannin: Bitterness, tasted on the back of the tongue. If it tastes like tea, its Tannin.
4. Alcohol: Accounted for by the burning sensation you feel on the back of your throat. If it burns, it has a high alcohol content, hence Fruity and hence, from a hotter climate. Can't go wrong here.
5. Length: The amount of time the taste lingers after you've swallowed. Don't know the units of measurement though.
6. Body: If it feels good, say its full bodied, if weak, say its not so full bodied. Apparently, if the "legs" of the wine on the glass drop slowly after, swirling, it is full bodied.

If none of this makes sense to you, gulp down a mouthful and say what I say, "Good Shit!!"